Stuck

                                                               "  I did my best, it wasn't much
                                                              I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
                                                    I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
                                                            And even though it all went wrong
                                                              I'll stand before the Lord of Song
                                                        With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah"

     Well, thanks to some well placed punches and a swift kick to the throat, I am back on the cobbles. completely unsure of my future. However I must point out that, I've only ever been sure of three things. I love my wife, I love my family, and 'm pretty sure that I missed my chance at being famous about 10 to 15 years ago. I didn't even realize that it had passed me by. Since I missed the boat, there's no harm in telling you how I had an idea in high school about a serial killer cop-like character. I wont say any names Dexter, but the idea was somehow taken from me, and made into a hit television program on Showtime called.....Weeds.
    Regardless of the past, I don't want to go back and do things over, I want to go forward into this Brave New World and do what I can with the time I have been given, so that when I am on my death-bed, I don't look back and say I have regrets and squandered everything. My father was taking classes at Brazosport College when he died, trying to make a better life for himself and his family. I wonder sometimes, if he ever felt the same feeling of failure that I do sometimes.  Aimless. Lost.
     I'm not looking for sympathy here, I"m just trying to discern my feelings on the subject of me. I had a dream a few nights ago, and in this dream, I was walking through a large room, filled with the cartoon characters I loved  as a kid. the smurfs, Batman, the Ninja Turtles, but there was one that was there that while a cartoon, this one was from the movies. Dan Aykroyd from the Ghostbusters was in the middle of the room wearing his Ghostbuster uniform including the Proton Pack. there, amongst dozens of animated  memories was one live action Ghostbuster. I walked staright to him and hugged him.  In my dream, I hugged a Ghostbuster. I know some will laugh and I am sure to get ridiculed by my brother and others about this, but I don't care.  I want to know why I felt the overwhelming happiness I did in that dream. Is that what I am meant to do? Be a Ghostbuster? Because, I could do that. It's just too bad that Para-psychology isnt a field that is in high demand.
     Its enough to make a guy scream. In all of this,  all I want is to make enough so at the end of the day, I dont feel as though I have just been working to pay bills. Its hard enough working a job you hate, but having to work a job you hate and then having nothing to show for it at the end of the day is insane.
So what the hell is a fella to do? I can't be a criminal, I'm too afraid of prison.  I wouldn't make a good doctor,( just trust me on this one).
      Maybe I could be a writer, and do some work for an internet news site or what have you. There was a time when I was younger that I may have been called to the ministry, but these days I don't think they would enjoy my thoughts on the subject. The years of working with the cynical in a cynical world has made me the cynic that I am. Any way you slice it, I think there is only one thing to do.